How to stop swearing

this assumes a) you WANT to stop swearing, and b) you feel you have a problem. in my humble opinion you fit one of three swear categories:

1. you swear very little or not at all. if so, great! you don't need this article.

2. you cuss like a marine on leave. public, private - it doesn't matter.

3. you swear in private settings, with those who might be inclined to swear with you. in public, however, colorful descriptors don't pass your lips, however tempted you might be in certain situations to let one fly.

my solution is a simple one, and it encapsulates the same principle that supports any high-context language. dream with me for a moment back to the days of high school and/or college, when you and your friends all had signature sayings, little phrases and quotes you'd repeat ad nauseum to your never-ending delight. you'd spill these sayings so much they became almost second nature, an ingrained habit. a situation would arise and someone would instinctively blurt out the group's beloved cliché. an example:

my friends and i, after one fateful trip to pittsburgh for a concert, would repeatedly yell, "the bus! the bus!" we weren't talking about jerome bettis, either. having taken one of our many wrong turns that night, we proceeded around a bend only to be greeted by a public bus gaining speed in our direction. problem was we were in the bus' lane, attempting to cut across traffic to take a shortcut. it should've worked, too, except for that bus. everything occurred in a split second, and upon seeing the bus one of my friends yelled out, "the bus! the bus!" after we threw the wheel and got our car back into the right lane, we waited for our hearts to resume normal beating and then broke out in hysterical fits of laughter. doesn't sound funny now, but it was, trust me; you had to be there. anyway, this was second semester senior year for me, and the remainder of my high school experience was filled with "the bus! the bus!" we all knew when to say it, laughed when we did, and it became part of our group vocabulary. even well into my first two years of college my friends and i still quoted that line. that speaks to the power of repetition turning into habit.

but the real lesson for me came only six months after becoming a christian. i had been swearing prior to my conversion, and while i wasn't a big league blue streaker i did have a well-crafted lexicon of profanity on reserve for all the right moments (keep in mind this was when i was still imitating all my favorite rappers, too). after becoming saved, however, i found a trick that worked at subverting the habit of swearing which i'd ingrained in myself via all the attention and copious amounts of repetition i'd given it over the years.

put simply, i "practiced" saying the euphemisms that i wished would replace the swear words, doing so in the moments when my head was clear and i hadn't been blinded by anger. so, while watching tv, flipping channels, i would remember my goal of not swearing. i then "practiced" by saying, "fudge." just like that. i wasn't upset, wasn't throwing things or in the middle of a cuss-inducing situation. instead i was calm and relaxed, training myself to reach my goal.

reminders of my goal struck often (as they did with me and my overactive brain; still do!). in the shower? "fudge!" reading a book? "fudge!" raking leaves? "fudge, fudge, fudge!" before you think fudge became my universal swear replacement, i practiced others such as "shoot", "darnit", "gosh", and "heck". yes, i said "gosh" long before napoleon.

the practice, suffice to say, paid off. from the moment of my conversion until i said "damn" my sophomore year (i got saved before freshman year), i didn't utter a single swear word. my next streak extended even longer, from my "damn" sophomore year all the way to when i repeated that same word at basic training between junior and senior years. from my "damn" basic training i didn't swear again until junior year of college (unless you count "pissed" as a swear word). and on, and on, and on. in fact, the only thing that reversed my training was a conscious, deliberate decision to swear during the last semester of college. now i resemble #3 above.

the thing that makes this work is exactly what kept my friends and i repeating "the bus" for years: we said it even when we didn't have to, bringing it up at every possible turn. by practicing your euphemisms you can do the same thing with swearing, thereby making euphemisms the habit instead.

don't get me wrong: i believe swearing in and of itself is okay. public swearing i forbid as a general rule; private is another matter. but if you're struggling with getting your tongue under control and you want to banish it from your vocab, then "training" yourself is the way to go. the bible even supports the notion of training one's self for righteousness, so if you'd like to stop swearing for spiritual reasons then this technique will help you accordingly. or if you're a regular potty mouth and just want to curb it, this technique will help you, too. you may feel silly "practicing" (i know i did), but the gains you make by disciplining yourself will be worth it. i know because i've been there.

just pick your euphemisms. then, anytime you think of your goal, let 'er rip!

here's to cleaning our mouths!